There’s a reason why clichés exist, this I know. This reason is to slowly drive me (and you!) bonkers. Lately I’ve been pondering some quotes that really get under my skin, and why. These are the types of quotes I generally see in Facebook status updates or, worse, hidden in the “Favorite Quotes” section. I actually hate these more than the funny inside-joke-quotes-that-no-one-but-you-gets-so-why-don’t-you-keep-that-to-yourself -already! Deep breaths, Kaley, deep breaths.
- “Life isn’t measured by the amount of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
This reminds me of a Disney movie or a Meg Cabot novel. Sorry, Ms. Cabot, but your books suck. It could only be worse if you were Lurlene McDaniel and every book involved cancer and star-crossed lovers. That’s what we call shoddy “literature,” kids. Ugh!
- “When a girl is quiet, millions of things are running through her head. When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply. When a girl stares at you, she is wondering how long you will be around. When a girl answers “I’m fine”, she is not fine. When a girl lays her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever. When a girl calls you every day she wants your attention. When a girl wants to see you every day, she wants to be loved and pampered by you. When a girl says “I love you,” she means it. And when a girl says she misses you, no one in this world can miss you more than she does. The beauty of a woman is not the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.”
Ummm, no. It’s shocking and rather audacious of me to say this (perhaps), but not all girls are alike! I know, I know. Weird, huh? Just like not all guys are sex-crazed maniacs, not all girls are airheads who only care about the boy they have been, oh my God, like, crushing on for a week! (In the same way, not all women love yogurt, even if the yogurt commercials would have you believe otherwise.) But that’s another post.) Also, I didn’t need you to tell me that my beauty isn’t in the clothes I wear or the way I comb my hair. I comb my hair in an awe-inspiring way—with a hairbrush! I digress. My eyes are not the doorway to my heart because that’s just weird. My beauty can obviously be seen in my badonkadonk. Yeah, I said it. That’s the choicest part of me…! No lies.
- “Dance as though no one is watching you, Love as though you have never been hurt before, Sing as though no one can hear you! Live as though heaven is on earth.”
Okay, I really want to agree with the sentiment of this quote, but good gracious, my eye starts twitching whenever I read it and I feel that one vein start to stand out on my neck. The vexation starts with the word dance, which is a trite analogy, and ends with heaven on earth, which sounds like something Michael Bolton would sing creepily to me as I walked on the street. If only …!
- “To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.”
I don’t want to be the world to one person. For one thing, I’m a human so being a person’s whole world would be: 1) kind of annoying, and 2) a lot of pressure. Plus the world’s kind of large and in charge (if you know what I’m sayin’) and I’ve been trying to drop a few kilos lately. In all honesty, it sounds good in theory but in practice? It sucks.
So, now that I’ve got that off my chest, I’m going to go read a funny book because, as you know, laughter is the best medicine.