You Wanted Patty Mayonnaise

…but you found me instead.

Recently, a lot of people have arrived at my blog hoping to find something about my dear friend Patty Mayonnaise.

Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m most definitely not blonde, super thin, and prone to wearing polka dot shirts all day, everyday. Weird, I know. Sorry, I can’t be the Patty Mayonnaise to your Doug. I’m taken, anyway.

Let’s play a game called –


Seriously, now:

  • Patty Mayonnaise – NO! (Besides one funny picture)
  • Bilingual – YES! YES AGAIN!
  • Happy couple – YES!
  • Happy couples – YES!
  • Brújula – YES! (And – funnily enough – Mario just met his favorite person, Carlos Rodríguez Braun at an economics conference. He was smiling from ear to ear.)
  • Patriotism – Um, sure, sorta, kinda.
  • Kaley y mas – Here I am.
Are you joking?:
  • 5’11” tall – Are you stalking me?
  • in castilian the j is like the h in hanukkah – You have to HAAAACK when you say it.
  • locker room nude – WTF?
  • angry mushroom Mario – Mushrooms don’t make my Mario angry.
  • saint bull – No words.
  • would you date a foreigner – Yes, I would…obvy. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t issues that go along with that.
  • why would you go to belgium – Waffles. Enough said.
Maybe my blog is helpful:
  • can you live in spain on 700 euros a month? Um, yes. Just ask any of my fellow auxiliares
  •  speaking spanish outside the classroom – Check out this post. You nailed it, my friend.
  • fun spanish expressions – Check out my friend Cat’s blog post on this.
  • why am i never cool enough – You’ve never had Spanish wine or food. No more Eyetalian stuff.
  • no jobs zapatero – Well, can’t help you there.
One of my favorite things to do is find the things that were only searched for one time, like Homer Simpson pantsless. Yes, apparently that did indeed lead someone to a blog post I wrote about the Simpsons in Spain. However, I never mentioned Homer pantsless. It really is not something that appeals to me.
What are some funny search terms that lead people to your blog?

11 thoughts on “You Wanted Patty Mayonnaise

  1. Thanks for the link! I’m finishing up the next round of silly Spanish expressions this morning after help from the Nov.

    My search terms have been so strange: “why living abroad in Spain sucks” (says someone who has been here four years?), “F me shoes” “three blind mice slutty halloween costume” and my all-time favorite – good things are about to happen.

    Yo que séééééééé

    1. Did they literally write “F me shoes” or did they write out the whole word? Just curious.

      I find it fascinating the combinations of words that somehow lead people to my blog. I found out that my Patty Mayonnaise image upon which I wrote some funny comment was showing up on the first page of Google Images.

      That’s my goal from now on. Show up on the first page.

  2. Haha, it looks like you and I both spend our fair share of time investigating the Site Stats for our blogs. I had someone find my professional website/other blog by searching (multiple times) “Lauren Sieben is in love with.” Totally normal.

    The most searched terms for my Spain blog are “ass grab,” “ass grabbing,” “crowded ass grab” and other variations. “Caracol” is currently at number one though… kinda weird, I think I wrote once or twice about caracoles, but still. Must have done a good job SEO-ing those tasty little snails.

    1. Dude, you *do *have a stalker! Or are there several Lauren Siebens?!

      I don’t know anything about SEO. But I suppose my public cries out for posts about: bilingualism, happy couples, and how to dress like a Spaniard.

  3. Haha, I got such a kick out of doing this for contomates! The world of making a blog search-friendly is still a bit beyond me, and SO MANY HITS are from folks aiming to find out about llao llao frozen yogurt (in fact, by making this comment I am probably ensuring it will continue to happen… oooops).

  4. Love this! Some recent ones of mine that are entertaining: “how to teach my idiot brother english” and “I want you to eat your dinner uncle sam”

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