If there’s one thing I hate, it’s airplanes. I know, I know, they really are quite useful and they allow me to see this one guy I like. He’s kinda worth it, you know.

But still, airplanes really and truly suck. Nowadays, they charge you, as my mother would say, “out the wazoo.” Luckily, on international flights, they still let you take a free bag and eat something. Otherwise I might start munching on my forearm four hours into the eight hour transatlantic journey.

Negatives about planes (yes, a list is needed):

  • Neighbors who talk to you. Yes, I like people (for the most part). But good golly Miss Molly, I like to have my free time to read, watch movies, and try to sleep under the influence of strong sedatives. Okay, scratch that last part.
  • Crappy food. It’s not too hot, believe me. However, I’m not picky.
  • $7 cocktails. WTF. I want some wine to ease my transition into a peaceful slumber. That crap you serve me is not worth $7. Just no.
  • No knee room. As a 5’11” tall woman, I need leg room. There is none.
  • Middle seats. There are of the devil. Period.
  • Lack of personal movies. I really like British Airways and it sounds spoiled, but jeez, personal movies are amaaaazing. They make the flight go 100x faster.
  • Crying children. I do realize that parents also need to fly (I will probably, ironically, someday be such a parent), but it still doesn’t make it unannoying.
  • Crappy coffee. I need strong, black, ESPRESSO when I pull into Madrid at 8 a.m., and my body thinks it’s 2 a.m. These four ounces of brown water do. not. cut. it.
  • Coca-Cola Light. Eww.

Okay, so for today, I think that’s about it. Thanks for humoring me, y’all.

See you on the next Iberia flight to Madrid!